When starting up cycling for the first time a number of people enter the lion’s den with a look of simplicity and safety in mind. The thoughts “I can kit myself out fairly cheaply” and “Well its best to be safe and be seen” easily spring to mind. I for one was the same. I for one, was WRONG.
Shoes:
You will need clip ins. It is part and parcel of the cycling way of life. To be a “Cyclist” you need to have done three things: 1) Bought a bike, 2) bought come clip in shoes, and 3) Fallen of the bike because you can’t release your shoes fast enough. All three members of our group have fallen off their bike one time or another. Famously Matt fell into his mum’s bush on his maiden clip-in journey (But I’m sure you have heard about that), and then again, caused partly by myself making an emergency stop because I needed to wee that badly.......
But the fall I remember mostly, because it was my only fall, was on that fateful journey with the guys to Hunstanton. After the “Bonking” and cake, we were all set to get to Hunstanton through the back roads by Sandringham, and although we didn’t exactly know the way, we knew the general direction. In formation we approached the final “Which way do we go” T-junction on the run into Hunstanton. As all cyclists know, it is all about not stopping. And if you have to approach a junction at snail pace and stay clipped in, then that’s what you do. That’s what you try to do.............. The next few seconds were a blur, a sequence of motions sparked into action by Oli shouting, “stop wait no, it’s RIGHT”.
Before I knew it, the lack of forward momentum, a quick shift in balance to try and turn right instead of left and my inability to control my limbs with adequate ability and I was laying on the floor with my bike on top of me. Keen to keep a little dignity I proceeded with the “Oh whoops look at me, I’m ok” laugh, but I can tell you, there is no way to fall off a bike without it hurting. After fumbling around and freeing myself for the death-trap that had thwarted me I turned around to see how many people had witnessed the “Comedy gold”. I was happy to see just the one vehicle behind us, although it would have been better if it were not a “Plumbase” van full of three burly chaps belly laughing at my misfortune. To top it off I was also a little peeved as I scratched my pedal..........
Jerseys:
Jerseys are the construct of the devil himself. You would be forgiven for thinking that you could “just use an old T-Shirt” or “I’ll be safe and buy a Hi-vis top”. This is a mistake. Now don’t get me wrong, you CAN do that, but you WON’T . Before I go any further, I am all about road safety and if the light is poor or it is dark, I fully accept Hi-Vis is the way to go. Over time, however, I have learnt that it isn’t about anything other than gaining acceptance from other riders. That knowing nod of the head as you pass in opposite directions. The acknowledgement from the men that strive for cycling performance every day. It is the same effect that causes you to put in that extra 10% effort as you see someone coming in the opposite direction. But in the mind of the cyclist this is predominantly done with THE JERSEY! The more “Pro” you look, the more you will be accepted into this elite fraternity. This is done in various steps of upgrade, and whatever way you go about it, within the next few months you will be trawling the net for a aero-fit Pro jersey that you saw Mark Cavendish wear that one time. Before you know it you will look as though you painted your jersey on and you will be frozen to your core , but by God you’ll look fast!
Also take into account how it may appear to onlookers. I was returning home from a ride one winter morning when I passed a friend’s house. The front door was wide open so I gave her a call, as I wanted to pop in and say hi. She answered the phone.
Me: I was just passing and was going to pop in for a water refill and a wee.
Her: I’m not at home, I’m at my mum’s
Me: Your front door is wide open
Her: Is it, SHIT! I’m coming home.
Me: I'll stay here until you get back. Can I use your toilet?
Her: Ummm yes?
So I unclipped and wandered in. Everything seemed in place and no break-in looked to have occurred. I refilled my water and used the services. I heard a sound upstairs, now knowing the owner or her dog was not in, I called out. No response........... So I made my way upstairs to the spare room. Upon entry I was faced with a near dead looking man, it was in fact her lodger, whom I did not know of at the time. He looked at me strangely, in my all over lycra, and poignantly said.......... “Erghhhghgh...... alright”? I explained that the door was open etc etc etc, and he admitted that in his state he had neglected to close it when returning that night.
It was later
revealed to me that he confessed that “He thought he was going to be raped by a skeleton”. I should explain I was wearing this:
My one and only rule on Jerseys is this: DONT WEAR A YELLOW JERSEY! You didn’t earn it and you will look like a fool!”
Shorts/Bib-shorts and tights.
There is no way round it, the bottom half of your body will be lycra clad. It is just a case of how you want to do it. Pretty much all cycling gear comes with an inbuilt nappy that provides padding for the unfeasibly narrow razor like saddles, but I believe it is actually just a ploy to make the impossible to fold up and put away neatly (That’s just a personal rant). As with the Jerseys, “Pro is the way to go”. This is done with bib-shorts. Now, before cycling I wasn’t aware of the advent of bib-tights, and for you that are also not aware, these can only be described as “Those things collage wrestlers wear in the USA”. They are the dungaree version of lycra shorts and essentially someone has solved the problem of lycra builder bum, by putting two whooping great straps over the shoulders.
Now that is clear, I want to make my most vital of points. When choosing the lower half of your outfit please take three things into consideration.
· Do I have a jersey that will match them.
- If the answer is no, then you must buy a new jersey to go with them (Aero preferred)
· Will these go with the colour scheme of my bike
- If the answer in no. STOP, you may be undoing many months of colour scheme planning
· What colour is the panel that covers “The goods”.
- It can be a very revealing item of clothing should you choose certain colours of short*
*I had it bought to my attention my one of the “Cycling wives”, that my brand new white and green Bib-shorts – white on the “Business panel” (and at the time my pride and joy), were less than conspicuous. I spent the next half hour in their house either sat down, or covering up.
But at least it wasn’t red
So that’s about all I have learnt to date on cycling apparel. Now off to buy some stuff online......
James
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